Words floating in sound。
Sunday, February 22, 2015 4:26 AM

Hi everyone, so today I want to tell you something (probably my secret.)

I never told anyone, I did tell a few people but it hurts to tell this but I need to shake it off. So, this is when I was in middle school, when I was 12, I was confessed for the first time in real life, not in dream. I thought that was a dream. Well, that guy was just a random guy. I know him because we go to same class (outside school) I don't know why he's attracted to me. Back then, I was still very young, so I don't know how should I react, so I just act normal ?? I don't even know what love means. I thought it means like he likes to be friend with me. 

We spend a lot of time together. He always brought his guitar and play it for me. I'm really happy when he does that and he always smile. It's really comforting to be besides him. You know right, In my country, Malaysia, when we're 12, we have exam, like a big exam before we go to high school and that he said that he will give me a surprise if I get good marks on it, but then he leave me before the results announced. I didn't know he had a disease and because of that, he died at such a young age. It hurts to remember this again. His face, his smile, it hurts.

Now, whenever it rains, it reminds me of him especially when it rains during school. I thought I can get over it as time passes but it's like I'm haunted by him. I really want to meet him for the last time. Because of that, I'm scared of making new friends, so that's why I choose my friends. It's 5 years now. Recently, I read a book, the book makes me realized that even tho, we just met for a short time, and that you said that you like me, sorry I can't reply to your feelings at that time, but I truly appreciate what we did together and even tho it hurts that you leave just like that, but I will never forget our memories and also I'm thankful that I met you. The book makes me realized that I have to move on. I really really hate to tell this story to everyone because my heart hurts like ....  

but from today on, I will try to always think positive about this and I will appreciate every single one that appears in my life and that I feel really grateful to have such people around me right now. Words can't describe how much I'm blessed to know all of the people I met today. What hurts me the most is not because he leaves me, but the way he influenced my life, the way he smiled like everything is okay, that hurts me the most, and when I decided to be stronger, he leaves.