Only youFriday, December 18, 2015 6:41 PM
Yo everyone. I'm confused right now. Sometime, things just feels so right. Sometime, they just become a mess. I don't even know what should I feel right now. At morning, I'm feeling so happy like I'm on cloud nine, but at night, I'm feeling lonely, I started to think more and more. It kills my mind slowly, making me cannot sleep at night. It feels so empty. I want someone to tell me don't worry, its alright. I love it when people said those words. They make me believe that everything is alright. People think that I'm always positive. They don't know how hard I tried to be positive, to always smile.
I know I shouldn't be forcing myself. Sometimes, I just want to punch people in the face. They dont know anything about me. It feels so lonely, I don't know why like I want something, but it's off my reach and knowing that I wont get it pissed me off.
People messaged me asking for advice, telling their problems to me, asking for my help on their life while I'm here healing my own self. I don't trust human. People leave all the time. When you feel you finally get him/her, he/she will leave. People are slowly moving on, while I'm here trying to choose the path I want to go. There's no left or right. Every step counts. I could drown or live. Feelings are so complicated, love is complicated, humans are complicated.
I wanna be an angel but it's hard. I'm sorry.
But anyways, I'll clear my mind and tell more happy stories on the next update but that could probably take a while. I hate me when I'm sad and feeling like this. I don't like it. I want to cry but the tears wont come out so I'm just staring blankly at an object feeling empty. I'm becoming sensitive when December comes, probably because I'm growing. But still, take care of yourself. I should give advice to myself tbh since I'm losing myself. But yea, please put all the pain away because it hurts. May we find peace in everything.
[ edited ] I edited this like 3 times already, it just won't save ..... I was so mad I deleted the blogger app. I almost deleted this post but then I should know that God is giving me chances to make this post better. I'm still mad right now but nvm. But tbh I'm actually better right now. I made this post like 3 days ago but I'm fine now. I'm reading fanfictions now since manga just don't, I don't feel it. Where's the love ???? Then, I decided to buy books, but the books that I want are sold out. Then, my friend recommended me some fanfictions. She recommended me lots of rated fanfictions tbh but I don't hate it lol.
I think I can write adult lyrics now but still there's a lot that I need to learn. Lots of people feel like why can't they write beautiful stories but they don't know that if people like them don't exist, there's no one who will read and appreciate the stories. It's amazing how god created us. It's beautiful how we complete each other. "It's amazing how your hands fit into mind like it was just made for me." Lol, I'm still having my obsessions with hands. Don't even get me started, I can write books just about hands.
Knowing that this post will be long, I screen captured my lyrics. Yea, I wont tell what's this lyric about heheh you decide it yourself. Btw, that's it.