chooseWednesday, March 23, 2016 2:37 AM
Hi everyone, I miss you guys, I miss typing, I've been reading, thinking, breathing, you know. It's all good. I wanted to post something but I don't know what to tell, everything is revolving. There used to be time, when I felt like can I just split myself, at that time, I was asked to choose between what I want and what I deserved. I want both, but I know I have to choose. I hate that feeling, I didn't know that feeling exist, it feels so bad. In the end, I chose both but it seems like I can't, I had to sacrifice what I want. I was kinda hurt but I didn't regret and now, the thing that I chose before actually helped me now.
There's this time, I was sad lol, when I'm sad I don't tell everyone, but my close friends always know it when I'm sad, then there's this friend of mine said "everything will be fine", she reads my blog, I was speechless lol, it's like she's comforting like how I always said in my blog. It's just ............. idk, I'm overwhelmed. Even tho, I always comfort people by my words, I'm not that strong too, it's just that I work hard to appear strong. Sometimes, I feel sad when I'm stalking people on social media, they share everything they did just to get attention. This world is so lonely, full of bodies without soul. We buy things to show off, in the end what do we get ? respect ? satisfaction ?
I want new friends, but I realized people are always the one who take initiative first, I never really work hard for it I thought I was breaking the barrier but am I ? I still need to learn more :( I may not be good in taking the initiative first but I think I'm good at keeping the friendship lol. Oh well, there's still more to learn. Anyways, I've been reading lots lots lots of books, aren't you proud of me ? lol no ? nvm then I did it for myself anyways heh. But there's this thing I want to do, I dont want to have expectations anymore, expectations ruin everything. I only want to have expectations on things I really want to expect so I don't mind feeling sad/ excited about it. I'm also learning to love unconditionally, love without reasons, just you know, accept people for who they are without wanting anything back. It feels nice, I feel lighter.
I guess it's goodbye for now, take care of yourself, it's kinda hot, freaking hot I mean now in Malaysia. Drink lots of water, let people be happy, let yourself be happy. Surround yourself with people who care about you, I love you guys. Byee.